Archive for category Miscellaneous

The Home Office recently released figures on crime levels in the UK. (Excel spreadsheet link)

For the statistically challenged, here’s a guide on how to spin the statistics in your favour.

If reported crime numbers have decreased in your area and lower crime rates are good news for you, put out a press release welcoming the news that crime numbers have dropped.

Obviously, you’re doing a good job.

(Under no circumstances should you mention that it might mean that you’re so hopeless people have given up on reporting crime. Especially if statistics released at the same time from a survey of households in your region show an increase in people who report having been victims.)

Conversely, if reported crime numbers have unfortunately increased, you can find some tenuous link to a recent publicity exercise. Say that as a result of this, more people are reporting crime. Your strategy to get people to report crime more so that you can investigate more effectively is working.

Obviously, you’re doing a good job.

I’m mildly amused by yesterdays revelations that Number 10 use false names on letters. It’s not unusual for this to happen for “security reasons” even outside of the civil service. I briefly worked for a car finance company and many of the collections/fraud staff used pseudonyms to avoid trouble.

(The kind of person who can obtain or fake the documents required to get a car loan fraudulently isn’t necessarily a Nice Person. Our staff telephone lists, with two names for some people, became quite sensitive documents!)

This seemed to work very well, even as far as using that name in court, as long as you are consistent so that letters and phone calls are attributed to an individual. Indeed, it’s rather more common than many people might initially think as many professional women will keep their maiden name at work while changing their name for other purposes. The trouble was that Number 10′s system is to use completely random names each time. Today’s Mr F Bloggs is tomorrow’s Mrs J Doe, so if you ring up and ask for Mr F Bloggs then they have no idea who you’re talking about!

Perhaps they just need more diversity at higher levels of their communications office. Many married professional women and most Trans folk will know that in this country at least, a name isn’t anything special.

A short observation that’s nonetheless to long for a simple tweet.

Think the current coalition is a bad idea? Have a read of this post on Conservative Home about the “concession-o-meter” and don’t forget to also look at the comments. In fact, have a flick through all of Conservative Home.

Then consider this: No coalition would have meant several months of direction-less government, followed by a fairly inevitable second General Election. Which the Conservatives might have won. Yes, we could well have been five months into a Tory-only government by now. What do we think they would have done, left to their own devices?

As one self-proclaimed “LibDem member” put it in the comments on that article: “Long may the tugging hard continue. A pure Conservative government is a horrible thought.“

The web site, anyway:

Asking ns1.bbc.co.uk (132.185.132.21) for bbc.co.uk (type NS)
Response is:
25.0% 132.185.240.21 (ns1.thls.bbc.co.uk) with query timed out
25.0% 212.58.227.48 (ns1.rbsov.bbc.co.uk) with query timed out
25.0% 132.185.132.21 (ns1.bbc.co.uk) with query timed out
25.0% 212.58.224.21 (ns1.thdo.bbc.co.uk) with query timed out

Oops. It’s not just DNS either. They’ve totally disappeared off the internet:

cr1.th<show ip route 132.185.240.21
% Subnet not in table
cr1.th<show ip route 212.58.227.48
% Network not in table
cr1.th<show ip route 132.185.132.21
% Subnet not in table
cr1.th<show ip route 212.58.224.21
% Network not in table
cr1.th<


No news as to why, other than it’s a “major outage”. No, really?

Dear Nick,

I hear you’re having problems disagreeing with Cameron. So, I thought I’d prepare this handy list of ten items where quite a few people I know who are also Liberal Democrats do not agree with the Conservatives. Hopefully this should be enough to help you in the TV debates in 2015 or, perhaps, a little before then.

1. Fairer votes
2. Tuition fees
3. Trident
4. Prisoner votes
5. Europe
6. The NHS
7. Control Orders
8. Multiculturalism
9. Eric Pickles
10. Immigration caps

Perhaps you could print this letter out and keep it with you, in case you need reminding? If you need any of these explaining to you, drop me a line. I’d be happy to help.

Yours,

Zoe.

The hunters lay in wait for their prey.

The more experienced pick their spot carefully. They know where the beasts will appear – and at the same time, most days. Mercifully, today will be no exception, for the hunters disappointment can quickly turn to anger.

Crowded together they are silent, necks craning to catch a glimse of any signs that will reveal the location of their target. The occasional head turns to look around to check for any other indication that might give them that slight edge over their competition.

Suddenly, a sign. Even before there is any noise, they know where their prey is.

A hundred bodies turn and move as one, but quickly the slower members are left behind.

It takes just seconds for them to reach the first of the dozen members of their target herd. But the rewards are the same for all: Their preferred choice of seating on the 1714 departure from Kings Cross to Cambridge.

(I don’t know why, but the train arrives very shortly before it’s due to depart. It’s not announced on the boards until after it’s ready and even though it’s almost always platform 8, the above appears to be a daily occurance)